I truly hate the feeling when my thoughts are no longer transparent and I can’t see what’s behind each one.
It’s funny how when I read your personal post,
I could think to myself,
"Hey, me too. Haha."
It’s almost comforting and then kind of sad to think we’re not alone, in this place, with these feelings.
I wish I had the patience to wait for the mangas I read to be finished before I start reading them. It feels like I have to give little pieces of myself to each story so that I can do my best to fully appreciate each one for it’s own.
Teacup with mustache guard. Glazed porcelain, gold. c. 1885. German. Gift of Dr. Clifford Leonard.
I used to be able to relate so much to shoujo mangas. Even if I had not gone through the same situations or experiences, I could still feel and understand the emotions behind the themes; love, heart ache, jealousy, pure ignorant joy. But just now, as I’ve started reading a new manga I’m loosing that pulse I used to get when I would feel reminded of something either wonderful or horrible.
I know that I’ve always been easily influenced in small things like this. I even tend to pick up the habits of people so often that I forget what most of my own habits once were.
I’m becoming desensitized from emotions that I want to be able to be sensitive to.
I want to feel my heart squeeze when I’m upset, or when someone I care about is upset.
I want to genuinely care about more people and do it more genuine.
I want to be able to be honest with who I am as a person and not worry that I am actually a horrible person.
I’m scared that I wont be able to feel anymore.
I’m sure this is just another phase that will pass, like the others that have and will pass in the last to coming years, but I don’t know,
I think I’ve read so much manga that I’m forgetting my own feelings and they’re being replaced by the feelings of different characters.